Look. I personally feel that most politicians currently in office or running for office are a bunch of assclowns who are in it for their own personal gain.

I would like to hear from people who genuinely like either presidential ticket. I'd like to know what specific policy offerings from either candidate people believe will serve them in their personal lives.

I tried this on Facebook and got no takers. This leads me to believe that most people are voting against one or the other candidate.

So...here is your  platform. Make your case.

Tell me...and the world...why you want your candidate to be president.

Fuck You You Fucking Fucks

I just want to say:

Fuck you.

Fuck your religion.

Fuck your opinion...your bloated, self-righteous bullshit. 

You cannot "save" me. You cannot sway me. I will not bend to you.

I am fucking drunk. So...Present to me your fact-based argument and I will consider it. 

Back it up and cite your sources. 

Please note that if your source is the "Bible", I will reject it. The Bible is not valid fact.

Keyword Search Referrals II

I have a Blogpatrol account that counts page hits and takes a bunch of other statistics for my blogs.

A while back, I posted about a strange Google keyword search referal. Well...another strange one has come up: "my pony's for sale"

Once again, I have no idea how my blog would come up with that kind of search term. I have not used those words in any of my blogs. I don't own a pony. I've never owned a pony. I don't have a pony for sale. Pfft.

Oh well.

My birthday

Yeah, it is almost a month since my big 40th birthday.

I'm just getting around to putting up some video of the show I went to. I just want to help promote local metal music and my good friends in the band, Erebus, from Madison.

I had a hell of a good time headbanging and moshing.

FUCKTARD OF THE MONTH!

Woohoo! I've received an award!

My...um...friend, Bo Jack Russo, has named me "Fucktard Turdeater of the Month" on his blog, The Bojack Express.

This award is to recognize people with exceptional fucktardiness (yes I just made that word up, 'cuz Ima fucktard.)

I am humbled and honored by this recognition. I must thank my guide and mentor, Bo Jack Russo, a supreme fucktard himself from whom I've learned everything I know about fucktardism. (Yet another word I just made up, cuz Ima fucktard.)

As I have stated in a previous post, I love the word Fucktard. So, in addition to the great honor of this distinction, I get the pleasure of writing a blog post in which I get to use the word, fucktard, as many times as possible. Plus, because I am a fucktard, I even get to make up new fucktardish words like: fucktardish, fucktardiness and fucktardism.

Once again: Thank you Bojack Bomo Fucktard supreme, and your little faerie friend too!

Mike's Writing Workshop & Newsletter: Justin Woo: Poem "Dear Mr. Fritzl"

Mike's Writing Workshop & Newsletter: Justin Woo: Poem "Dear Mr. Fritzl"

Check out this poem.

40

Okay

So I'm fuckin' forty years old (as of 7 days ago).  As expected, I don't feel much different. I know now, as I think I should have known all along, that I am who I am and I will continue to be so.

I'm still rebellious. I still don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me. I'm still not a Boy Scout even though I played the part of Assistant Cub Master for a brief time. I still cuss and talk nasty. I still have a problem with teachers and principals. I still love heavy metal and I still like to jump in the pit and mosh.

So. Check in with me in 10 years and see if 50 mellows me out.

Ground Rules

Image via Wikipedia

Just a bit of a conversation from the forum on Wisconsin Metal Alliance.

Anal Pounding Shithammer wrote:
"Im not sure if masturbating in a grave yard is just really metal or just really creepy and serial killer kinda stuff."

natels wrote:

Let me clarify this for you mr. Shit Hammer:

Masturbating in a graveyard=Just plain creepy

Having sex with a dug-up corpse=just plain creepy

Having sex with a corpse in a morgue=Lazy creepy 'cause you don't have to dig for it.

Having sex with the corpse of someone you've bludgeoned to death with a tire iron=Creepy serial killer stuff.

Masturbating while fantasizing about having sex with a corpse in one or more of the above scenarios=Just keep it to yourself and it's all good.

Getting naked and having sex with another living person in a graveyard or morgue=Really metal (a la "Return of the Living Dead")

while eating corn chips (edit)

Kinda inspired by some Wisconsin grown necrophiliac morons:
Three Men Accused of Attemted Sexual Assault of a Corpse.

Fucktard

I love the word Fucktard.

Just a thought.

They Do it Different in Russia

I was recently reminded of this article I saw a while back:
russia-where-burglary-is-punished-by-rape

This article tells of a Russian man who burst into a beauty salon intending to rob it. One of the female stylists was able to overcome the robber using martial arts techniques.

The stylist took the man to the basement of the salon and bound him with a cord. Instead of calling police, she kept him in the basement and raped him for three days.

He filed charges. Dumbass.

Keyword search referral

I was checking my Blogpatrol stats today and found something interesting:

I had two Google search hits on my blog(s). One of them was "What wrong with me?" ...Okay, tame enough. I did a search and didn't find my post, "What the Fuck is Wrong With Me?"

The search keyword that I find amusing is "Fuck my Wife".

I don't know how my blog would come up in a search for Fuck my Wife. I've never used those words in any blog posts. Well...not in that order, nor even in the same sentence.

I'll admit I've thought those words. Has Google gotten into our minds that deep? Can google pull our thoughts out of our heads and produce them as a search result? If someone clicks on those words in a Google search, will they be able to read our thoughts?

Fucking Scary.

Happy New Year

So here it is. 2010.

I don't know what the bloody hell is going to happen with it, but it's gotta be better than '09 right?

To be honest...I am just writing this as filler. I am just writing for the sake of writing.

I have no thoughts. No fucking nuggets of wisdom. No special New Year cheer.

I just wanted something to post as a blog.

Sorry for wasting your time.

After Bar Food

Being in a band, I've found that there are certain foods that rock after bar time. Taco Bell is number one hands down. We used to play at a place called the "Doctor's Office". Taco Bell is right across the street. It was funny because by the time we'd be done playing, only the drive thru would be open. We would have to get in the car, drive 1/2 a block and go through the drive thru.

There are certain other fall backs if there is not a Taco Bell available and it's 1:30 in the morning.

Once, after a gig in Kenosha, we ended up stopping at a Kwik Trip gas station after getting turned around and heading the wrong way out of town. They had the most glorious selection of gorf (an old school term for junk/drunk food) I'd seen in awhile. They had Tornadoes. These are like a Corn tortilla cylinder with various fillings. I had a spicy chicken thing and a steak something-or-other. I also got a chili-cheese dog that was not a Tornado but it was wrapped in a tortilla-type thing.
Food of the 1:30 a.m. Gods I tell ya.
Another favorite of mine is the White Castle Slider. These are available at Aldi's and at Pick 'N' Save. They rock!

Hot Pockets aren't too bad either when I'm not out, and don't want to/can't drive the extra 10 blocks to the Taco Bell.

So. There it is. Time wasted on mindless shit. Lame as hell. Feel free to throw some other favorite after-bar foods at me. Figuratively speaking of course.

Drunk 911

Only in Wisconsin will you find citizens honest enough to report themselves for drunken driving.


If that is not bad enough, it turns out she entered a "Not Guilty" plea on the charge of first offense drunk driving according to the Wausau Daily Herald.

So how clueless can a person get?

What The Fuck Is Wrong With Me?

This is a re-post from my Myspace blog from around 2007.

My brain scares the hell out of me sometimes.

I'm just minding my own business. Working. And the words "deck the halls with skulls of virgins" pops into my head.

I think, "Wow. That's pretty fucked-up Nate." "Where the hell did that come from?"

Okay, obviously it has something to do with Christmas. But come on, skulls of virgins???? So then, my thoughts drift toward medieval torture. Then I start thinking of things that would make the writers of the "Saw" movies go, "Dude. That's pretty sick."

I cannot publicly write some of the shit that my mind produces. Don't get me wrong, I behave like a mostly normal person. I don't do any sick shit and I don't condone anything like that. But fuck...why don't nice things pop into my mind? Well, okay, I'm male so every 7 minutes I'm thinking about sex. You get the picture though.

Is this a result of growing up watching slasher flicks and reading horror novels? Is this tendency toward the dark side of life inherent in my personality? Do I have to use italics like this all the time?

Maybe I should start going to church or something.



Whatever...just remember, Zip carfully. And Just Say NO!

Cold Call Sales

Me-"Hello, this is Nate"

Caller-"Hi, this is Richard Smoker. You can call me Big Dick. I'm with Hosemee Genital Cleaners. We offer a full line of genital cleaning services. Would you have time for me to come over and discuss our service line.

If you have time, I can also demonstrate our patented Truetongue scrotum sanitizer. I guarantee your scrotum has never felt Trutongue fresh.

So, can we set up a day and time to meet?"

Me-"Uh, No. I think I'll pass shithead. I have enough to do without dealing with your sorry ass."

This was an actual conversation I had with a cold-call salesman.

Okay, the name of the caller and the company were changed....

Okay, I made the whole thing up. But only to illustrate the low regard I have for slimeball, cold-calling bitch salespeople.

And, because I think it would actually be kind of cool if there was a genital cleaning service.

Anyway, in my position as "Maintenance Manager" I have somehow become the magnet for these dilldos to call me out of the blue while I'm in the middle of important shit...Like blogging.

With the economy in the shitter, there is more and more pressure on the sales douches to drum up more business. Therefore, I get to endure more and more of these annoying calls. I get them from existing vendors as well as new people whose services I do not want or need.

Pfft.